Deep Thoughts

All my life i have always wanted, to be able to accomplish great things like travel around the world and to meet weird people with weird cultures....but the thing is...i am stuck....i feel like my left-handedness is being sucked out of me by the demon i call form6.....as i was a TV addict before who watches 4-5 hours of TV everyday am now only watching 4-5 hours TV per week....its been months since i have even watched The Lord of the Rings.....i don't read anymore nor do i write(i do write....but just intelectual stuffs such as shit MUET essays.....PA and the other craps i study at school)....i want to do more....i did it last year for 6 months when i joined theatre...those were the best 6 months of my life...and i miss it.....i miss my old buddies with whom i can joke and laugh and talk nonsence with...having sleepovers and getting high in alcohol....but now....most of the conversation revolves around getting 4.0 CGPA...and getting A+ or credits....those things just put me to sleep....i want creative conversations not intelectual ones....i havent cried for a year or so....so the before yesterday when i listened to Adam Lambert(who is very HOTT and SEXXYY btw) "A Loaded Smile".....i just teared up...and decided to cry as my friend said "crying is good".......and i ended up crying for 1 hour for no reason.....just letting out all the frustration of life....my mum....my dog with cancer and the fact that i resent some ppl....i can't even fullfill my resolutions...thats how sad my life is....a simple resolution of going on a date b4 turning 19 (i can flush it down the toilet)....and my mum asked me if i was a lesbian...i mean common....just bcoz i think guys in school are lame doesnt make me gay(although i am soo gay for Megan Fox)...she said i am not feminine enough...and said i have a heart of stone(which i wonder sometimes myself....i mean currently my bro is going out on dates with this gal...and when he tells me the stories...i just feel bored and feel like its nonsence and feel like puking))....hahhhah.....i cudnt care less...i mean i like songs that talk about anal sex...what else can i expect from myself....i am who i am....i am happy with life...god has blessed me with good health and financially we are doing very good compared to b4 and i still have my family......so i am trying to get in touch with my creative side by writing a drama script for Teacher's Day(hopefully it happens....having witer's block).....teaching myself to play the piano( i cant seem to master guitar though).....and trying some singing.....and of course cooking...baking....hopefully i get a breakthrough from this boring life that i live now